69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
