does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
