I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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