If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
