Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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