I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
