So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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