11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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