I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
