i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
