I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
