Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
