why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
