that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
