The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
