Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FUCK WHALES
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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