no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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