I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize