i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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