You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
