You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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