shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize