he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
