Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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