You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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