so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
