his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
