I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
