If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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