My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
