Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
