8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
