im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
