i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
