you would pick up someone in the library
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I want a musical about memes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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