if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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