this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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