just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize