i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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