First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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