Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
