Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
