Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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