You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
