Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
