He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently you make a good broom.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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