I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize