it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
