all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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