Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
