I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
