i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
