so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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