That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize