I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
