just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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