Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize