no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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