16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
