I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
