checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
