she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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