If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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