I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
