I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
