I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
