be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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