there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize