She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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