watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
