It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
