some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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