I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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