I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
