Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
