Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
