If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
