it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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