I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
