Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
