Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
