how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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