Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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