I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
