it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
