i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
