I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize