Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
