Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
