i was born a porn star she said
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
