I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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