You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
