just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Someone signed my nipple.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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