dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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