The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
