You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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