he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
