No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
