I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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