ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my being single is dangerous.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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