too bad you live with your parents still
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
